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Here’s more junk mail from LA Fitness. The health club insists on portraying hot models that bear no resemblance whatsoever to the typical LA Fitness member.

Enjoy your workout.

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LA Fitness is running a promotion for free menu items from a nearby noodle restaurant. Bally will probably counter by handing out Ramen Noodles.

Enjoy your workout.

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LA Fitness is now sending junk mail to lure new members. The health club actually trademarked the phrase, “Exercise your options.” Plus, the mailer includes a coupon for a Complimentary Personal Fitness Assessment. You mean members typically pay staffers to tell them they are out of shape?

Enjoy your workout.

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Now LA Fitness is hawking a special Valentine’s Day promotion, offering discounted memberships. Actually, it would be more affordable to buy your sweetheart a diamond.

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Equinox, another Bally competitor, has launched a silly promotion called My Body. My Biography. People are encouraged to share their health and fitness stories online. The website features photos of people who probably bear little resemblance to the typical Equinox member. It’s also unlikely any of their stories will match the originality or entertainment value of the entries on this blog.

Enjoy your workout.

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The latest LA Fitness scam promotion involves DID YOU KNOW… tips stapled to postcards. One typo-ridden sheet appears to be targeting seniors with references to osteoporosis. Hey, LA Fitness, DID YOU KNOW… the country is in an economic recession that prevents citizens from patronizing your over-priced health club?

Enjoy your workout.

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Bally online advertising has always been contrived and annoying. The newest campaign continues the tradition. What’s up with the “Fresh New Bally” claim – did they decide to clean up the locker rooms? Or maybe they simply restocked the Bally Soy Protein Bars.

Enjoy your workout.

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Now insurance companies are teaming up with health clubs to provide special discounts. However, the rates are almost identical to Bally – a one-time $29 enrollment fee, then $29 per month. On the one hand, there are studies that show obese and out-of-shape Americans are draining lots of money in terms of health care costs. So the partnership seems like a natural fit. Another natural fit involves the fact that insurance salespeople are among the least-trusted people in the country. Simply Google the search terms “Health Club Rip-Off” and you’ll see Bally and LA Fitness employees rank high among the con artists too.

Enjoy your workout.

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It looks like LA Fitness will extend its pre-sale rates through the New Year. 2011, that is. At this point, anyone who signs up at the regular price is a moron. Come to think of it, has any member ever paid the regular price? Would LA Fitness even know how to charge the regular price?

Enjoy your workout.

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Now Bally and LA Fitness are facing new competition. The Chicago Park District is letting people work out for free at all park district centers. These places don’t have a wide variety of machines. But they do regularly charge either monthly or daily rates, in the event that you know you’re not going to visit often. Of course, you don’t get to enjoy the exclusive Bally experience of hellish locker rooms and toilet facilities.

Enjoy your workout.