Workout 10

December 30, 2008

Folks with foot fetishes will have a field day at Bally, particularly in the men’s locker room. Typical spectacles include:

Clipping toenails in shower area

Dusting the floor with foot powder

Gassing visitors with antifungal spray

Thankfully, there have been no Sasquatch sightings to date.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 9

December 29, 2008

The other day, we spotted an old guy coloring his hair at the sink area. He had all the bottles and brushes spread out, applying the dye to his thinning mane. The shade looked totally unnatural – a deep red. Not sure if he planned to also color the hair on this back and shoulders, in order to keep everything consistent.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 8

December 28, 2008

The Chicago Loop Bally is closed on Saturday and Sunday. However, members are allowed to use another Bally in the South Loop during the weekends.

The South Loop Bally is a bit more contemporary and cleaner than its sibling club. The place features similar space and equipment – although there is no security guard. And for some reason, the lobby store, located in a gated area behind the reception desk, includes a couch and comfy chair. Guess members need to rest and recline before selecting dietary supplements.

The locker room is slightly better too, with a less cramped design. Plus, the showers offer soap, shampoo and conditioner! But we don’t recommend lounging in the TV room, as many naked men (showered and pre-showered) have been seen sprawled across the couches.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 7

December 27, 2008

Why do certain Bally members insist on reading during their workouts? No, we’re not talking about the people who page through books and magazines while operating treadmills, stair machines and stationary cycles. This is directed at the morons who view the weight-lifting equipment like La-Z-Boy recliners, perusing novels between reps. Yo, bookworm, it’s a bench press – not a Gutenberg press. Take your reader’s routine to the CPL.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 6

December 26, 2008

Last April, Chicago cops tracked down and killed a cougar that was pouncing through North Side neighborhoods. The wild cat’s appearance perplexed people, as cougars have not been known to roam freely in the area since the 19th century. Unless you’re a Bally member. In fact, we spotted a pair of cougars just a few months ago. The big-haired duo bounced on the abs machines, wearing capri pants, tube tops, clunky bracelets and open-toe sandals. The blaring club music was drowned out by their loud talk and louder laughter. Probably on the prowl for frisky personal trainers.

Enjoy your workout.


Workout 5

December 26, 2008

The Chicago Loop Bally has a unique member on its staff – a security guard. Actually, the place has about four rotating sentinels. It’s probably another function of the location, as other downtown Bally clubs don’t employ guards.

The guards spend most of their time in the men’s locker room, stationed on a raggedy, rolling office chair near the lockers. It must be quite an assignment, surveying all the nakedness and assorted unpleasant visuals. Not to mention inhaling the distinct odors. To break the monotony, the guards will walk the floors of the club – although it seems like some of them only do so to watch whatever sports event is playing on the TV monitors.

You have to wonder what prompted the decision to hire security. We’ve never seen a female equivalent in the women’s locker room. Granted, we haven’t ventured into the space (hopefully, the security guard would act swiftly against any man who tried). And it’s unfathomable to imagine the lobby store is a target for shoplifters.

Were there incidents of theft or improprieties in the men’s locker room? Dangerous towel snapping or violence in the shower area? Unruly members taking offense over the failure to wipe down equipment after use?

The guards don’t appear to be armed, or even physically capable of overpowering anyone. The personal trainers would be better suited to subdue potential hooligans.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 4

December 25, 2008

Bally launched a holiday advertising campaign to recruit new members. This is obviously a critical time for the health club. Losing weight and creating a healthier lifestyle are among the top New Year’s resolutions for Americans. A few days after Thanksgiving, there was a definite surge in attendance at the Chicago Loop Bally. We wonder who will show up in January 2009.

Enjoy your workout.