LA Fitness is now hyping its reduced rates as a Black Friday special. Um, they’ve been offering these Black Friday prices on Fridays all summer long. And we’re not seeing any stampeding crowds – except for the holiday shoppers speeding past the new club.

Enjoy your workout.

Now LA Fitness is handing out postcards with a handwritten note stating: Preview rates exp 11/30. Right. Then next week, the special discounts will be called “Holiday Rates.” And in January, they’ll be “New Year’s Resolution Rates.” In February, you’ll see “Black History Month Rates.” Etcetera, etcetera. Oh, but the bargain fees will still be over double of what Bally charges.

Enjoy your workout.

It’s hard to imagine another industry in greater need of reform than the Health Club category. From the hucksterism to the contracts/non-contracts to the fees to the facilities, these places require more complete makeovers than the typical contestants on The Biggest Loser. LA Fitness continues to hype itself with the same promotions. The postcard still proclaims: PRE-SALES ARE NOW COMING TO AN END. LAST CHANCE FOR A DISCOUNTED RATE! Um, right. It’s the last chance until, say, late December, when the health clubs will proceed to con woo the New Year’s Resolution crowd. The LA Fitness postcard also asks: ALREADY HAVE A CLUB MEMBERSHIP? ASK ABOUT OUR COMPETITOR RATE? It’s unlikely that Bally members may enjoy this offer, as Bally cannot be viewed as legitimate competition – especially given the fact that LA Fitness rates are roughly double what Bally charges. Finally, LA Fitness is once again handing out 3 for 3 Sports Club Passes. Has anyone attempted to collect a year’s worth of these passes to redeem for free membership?

Enjoy your workout.

Bally continues to send junk mail in the hopes of luring ex-members to return. However, the reduced rate deal is the same – a mere 10% off. Plus, you receive the standard hype of adding a friend or family member for more savings. Of course, they’ve thrown in a free 14-day guest pass. What’s next? Complimentary toilet paper with every visit?

Enjoy your workout.

Oops. We posted the final entry too soon. An ominous letter appeared in the mailbox with a message that read: Your IMMEDIATE ATTENTION is required.

It turned out to be from Bally, announcing receipt of our membership cancellation request. And the note stated: However, your account remains eligible for promotional reactivation offers.

Oh boy! Guess we can expect to receive more 7-day guest passes.

Enjoy your workout.

The time has come to say farewell. We have opted to end our tour of duty at Bally. Not surprisingly, email offers begging for membership renewal are already arriving regularly – seeking to entice with reduced rates. Why do services wait until customers leave before offering extra special prices?

Thanks to everyone who has visited in the past months. Plus, thanks to all the Bally members and staffers who provided content ideas.

Enjoy your workout.

The Loop Bally club appears to be making a conscious effort to update the facilities. The other day, maintenance dudes were replacing a TV monitor that has been defective for many months. However, the replacement is still the only monitor that is not a flat-screen unit. Plus, it was sorta ghetto – and not very safe – for the maintenance dudes to be using weight machines as step ladders for the installation process.

Enjoy your workout.

The other day, we spotted a Bally member using a hand dryer to dry his feet. It wasn’t clear why he thought his towel wouldn’t suffice. At least he wasn’t using the higher dryers designed for drying hair.

Enjoy your workout.

Great. Now Bally is emailing members to hype the offer du jour. This is another notice for winning a Free Year of Membership. The catch: it’s a Bally membership. Plus, check out the benefits of signing up for a mybally.com account. Three out of four bullet points involve billing. Brilliant.

Enjoy your workout.

Bally is giving away free tickets to the circus. Ironically, there are far more circus-like activities taking place at Bally. Additionally, the circus elephant stables are aromatherapy compared to the Bally locker room stink.

Enjoy your workout.