Workout 121

What is it about a locker room that makes men behave so badly? Today a member proceeded to fart with reckless abandon, his gaseous emissions drowning out the intercom music. Why, it was almost an orchestral performance. American Idol judge Randy Jackson would have exclaimed, “Yo, dawg, your ass can sing!”

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 120

As the weather in Chicago gets warmer, the Loop Bally club exhibits air-related issues. The fans and air-conditioning aren’t working regularly, and stairwell doors are propped open with free weights, perhaps to keep the air circulating. Additionally, someone has proceeded to adhere Stick Ups® throughout the place – which is the equivalent of attempting to clean the toilet stalls with a Q-tip.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 119

On Monday morning, the Bally Loop club tested the fire alarm system. Technically, we’re not sure it was a test, as Bally offered zero official notices for the event. Additionally, the staff made no intercom announcements while the alarms wailed for over 10 minutes. Shouldn’t the local Fire Marshal have been involved? Members simply went about their business as usual. The blaring caused a flashing exit sign in the shower area to fall out of its frame and shatter on the tile floor – which didn’t even receive an emergency response from the custodial crew. Maybe Bally was hoping to recruit new members from the Chicago Fire Department.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 118

Yet another quote playing on the big-screen monitors at Bally reads:

Self-discipline is easy
when you believe that you can do it.
Clear your mind of can’t.

Samuel Johnson

We wish members had the self-discipline to clear lockers of personal debris, soiled Kleenex and used Q-tips.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 117

A Tale of Two Urinals.

The South Loop Bally men’s locker room presents two urinals positioned side by side. The receptacles are nearly identical, except for one feature. The right urinal has a lever for flushing, while the left urinal has an automatic sensor flusher. Not surprisingly, both urinals are equally filled at any given time. Apparently, the automatic sensor flusher is not working. And expecting members to manually flush a urinal is asking too much, as most have never even mastered the art of flushing toilets.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 116

One of the big monitors in the Loop Bally club has been out of order this week. As a result, members occupying the eastern weight machine area were deprived of Bally TV viewing. Oh, the humanity!

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 115

In the previous post, we noted that your health is worth $39.99 per month, the cost of a basic membership at Bally. But an online search revealed Bally is offering a special deal. Now you can get a basic membership with access to over 300 clubs nationwide for only $29.99 per month. The crazy part is, if you buy a basic membership with access to only one club, it costs $39.99 per month. That’s an extra $10 for fewer choices. Any members currently signed up for the monthly renewal plan at $39.99 should terminate their agreement and go for the special deal—you’ll save money in the long run.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 114

There’s an odd, homemade sign framed and posted near a paper towel dispenser at the Loop Bally location that reads:

What is your health worth?

Could you work and earn without your health?
Could you play and enjoy without your health?
Could you go any place in the world and buy health?
And… what price would you put on your health if you could sell it?

The next time you think you are too busy,
or you are financially too short,
ask yourself this question in all seriousness…

What is my health worth to me?

Um, $39.99 per month…?

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 113

The form depicted above routinely appears throughout Bally clubs. Hell, it might be more common than the ever-present-yet-pointless Free Guest Passes. It says something when the company logo is actually printed on the slip. Members will spot these signs taped to weight machines, water fountains, hand dryers, sinks, showers, saunas, whirlpools, closets and more. The one illustrated here was adhered to a toilet stall door. Not sure why the entry fields are rarely filled out. Maybe it’s cheaper to recycle them—otherwise, given the constant need, you’d have to kill entire forests on a monthly basis.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 112

Here’s another quote displayed on Bally monitors:

If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.

Isaac Newton

Um, how the fuck is that supposed to inspire members? Should we make greater use of the shoulder press machines to become giants? We don’t get it.

Enjoy your workout.