Workout 90

Some senior citizens at Bally display tattoos on various parts of their creaky bodies. The styles and designs tend to give away their age – especially with the men. You’ll see a lot of patriotic shit like flags and military insignias. Or it’ll be old school porn with bikini-clad or totally naked women. Then there are the occasional Asian symbols, usually on long-haired grandpas who probably still smoke weed and are into Kundalini Yoga and Viagra-enhanced Tantric Sex.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 89

Bally is introducing Total Pilates. The self-hype reads:

Total Pilates at Bally Total Fitness® is a comprehensive program that offers a contemporary and functional approach to the original principles of Joseph and Clara Pilates. With the combination of qualified instructors and superior equipment, Bally is the one place to satisfy all your Pilates needs.

In other words, you’ll have to pay extra loot to get involved. Which is just fine – because if the program were free, you know members would be snoozing on those fancy Pilates machines.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 88

Some radical Bally member invited others to join the… Energy Revolution! The tiny promo flyer depicted here appeared in the locker room like political propaganda. Um, it doesn’t seem very revolutionary to be a Red Bull wannabe.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 87

Saturday was uncommonly busy at the Bally South Loop club. Personal trainers instructed regulars and newbies. A custodial woman wiped down the staff offices like Sunshine Cleaning. A full cycling class appeared to be preparing for a charity event. The large studio was double-booked, forcing the cheerleaders to wait in the entryway for over an hour. At one point, the girls propped a table with their school’s logo and proceeded to take posed photographs, probably for the college newspaper or yearbook. Even the men’s locker room was packed, as evidenced by the foam bubbling in the urinals.

Enjoy you workout.

Workout 86

There’s yet another quote being displayed on Bally monitors:

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountifield crop.

Ovid

OK, but do you mind not snoozing on a weight machine?

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 85

The whirlpool at the Bally Loop location has been down for the past two days. No explanation, just a homemade sign announcing the inconvenience. We peeked into the area and saw the tub drained dry. There were containers of plaster and cleaning solvents nearby, along with a lone can of Coke. Removing the rusty water stains?

Enjoy your workout.

Update: The whirlpool remained closed on Friday, although it was filled with brownish water. Which means it’s almost back to normal!

Workout 84

The Loop Bally has a mascot. Actually, it’s the costume for a mascot. The critter is a big Bally logo with eyeballs, nose and mouth. Not exactly original or even memorable. We haven’t seen anyone wearing the outfit – it just gets moved from one space to another. Or maybe it runs mascot aerobics during the weekdays.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 83

We recently visited the Bally Loop location during the early afternoon and noticed quite a few senior citizens. One granny was rocking on a weight-lifting machine – literally rocking as if she were on her front porch swing. She swayed on the device for at least 20 minutes. Another gentleman, who was the spitting image of a newborn Benjamin Button, lounged on a leg press. You’d think Bally would try to tap the audience with special classes, or minimally offer them free guidance, as the afternoon is hardly a busy period. Better yet, broadcast a Bally TV segment with artists like Frank Sinatra and Barbra Streisand.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 82

Holy Undies, Batman! Today we saw a member sporting briefs that were so shredded and riddled with holes, it could only be described as a homeless person’s thong.

Enjoy your workout.

Workout 81

There’s another quotation being flashed on the big-screen monitors at Bally:

You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.

David Viscott

The words are accompanied by an image of a morbidly obese woman working out in a tight tracksuit. And there’s a scale in the background! It’s a cartoonish contrast to the hip and sexy people in all the other Bally posters and messages – plus, grossly insensitive and potentially offensive to many members. Nice job, Bally.

Enjoy your workout.